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Those signs, for Sutton, include physical and verbal abuse, obsession with the gym, constantly grooming (wants to be ready for a sexual encounter at any time), secretive computer time, long trips to Home Depot, and derogatory comments about female smells.“They’ll say, ‘I can’t touch you down there because it’s stinky,’ ” Kaye said to Sutton on the broadcast. I know women who have spent hundreds of dollars on treatments to take away a smell that’s a natural, normal, beautiful smell to straight men.” “They even have a name that they call the wife and kids of their lover,” Sutton continued.He looked like Sylvester Stallone, strong and dark, and volunteered to train the Jewish activists in martial arts. “Gay guys can’t have sex with women.” When she approached her husband about it in a restaurant, he flipped the table over and stormed out. J., when they were newly wed, an enticing blond man passed them on a bike. ” Men showed up unannounced at their Chelsea apartment, in New York City, to take him out to lunch.

Our hopes and dreams are shattered.” About four months into her own marriage, Kaye and her husband were having sex roughly once a month. “The husbands will say, ‘Maybe I would like you better if your thighs weren’t so heavy, or if you would change your hair color, maybe if your breath didn’t stink, or if you were a better cook.She also wrote a book, A Pebble in His Shoe: The Diary of a Straight Spouse, about her experience. “It was almost like he was starstruck,” Barbetta recalls. Once a gentle teetotaler who did volunteer work, her husband turned to drugs and alcohol. Then Barbetta’s husband committed suicide by hanging, two weeks before their oldest daughter’s high school graduation.Barbetta’s husband was always strongly homophobic, a churchgoer, and a Republican. “You know that look when somebody is falling in love.” Her husband was shopping at Pier 1 Imports and told Barbetta he’d made a new friend, the manager, and was excited that they were going to become gym buddies. He denounced his homosexuality, then claimed to be bisexual, then straight. Often, as the husband begins to grapple with his sexuality, these marriages become marked by manipulation and psychological and physical abuse. “Like gaslighting, they make you feel like you’re crazy when you start to have suspicions. They make you feel like you’re imagining it.” “When a man represses his sexuality and he starts to come out, it’s like he was stuck in adolescence and now it’s a newfound freedom,” Barbetta says.I had a moment of weakness.” Kaye ran to the toilet and vomited.She entered what she calls the bargaining phase of grief, allowing her husband to have sex with another man once every six months, but that couldn’t last.

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