Dating during a marriage separation
Are you supposed to plan the dates or just let them happen?Can I ask him or do I have to wait until he asks me? I know that when I’m with my husband I’m going to want to ask him if he’s come to a decision or has any opinions about the chances of us getting back together.I know it’s easy to fall back on the familiar, especially when you might already be struggling emotionally during the separation, but it’s very important that the dates go well so that you both want to have more of them. I understand (and usually agree somewhat) with this thinking, but I also know that this is easier said than done.So the last thing you want to do is to find yourself on the other side of the same table where you’ve always sat having the same conversations you’ve always had. And, many people see things quite differently and think that if they can have good and regular sex with their spouse during the separation, this is going to improve their relationship, strengthen their bond, and make their spouse less likely to cheat or date other people while they aren’t living in the same house.Many people feel as if they have to take the temperature of their marriage during these dates or they use them to “work out” their problems.In my opinion and experience, this is truly a mistake.If you both have this agreement in place, you’re both less likely to see other people or to do things during the separation that could be detrimental to your marriage.It also gives you a common goal and something to look forward to.
You want to create a sense of new adventures and fun.
If you get the sense that your spouse will be reluctant to commit to anything beforehand, then it’s better not to push for this and to just make things seem spontaneous (even if you were planning them all along.) It’s OK to ask your spouse out on a date. But make sure that you sound casual and allow them to ask the next time around.
Don’t Use Your Dates With Your Spouse As A Marriage Counseling Session: This is a very common mistake and also a very detrimental one.
The whole idea for these dates is to bond with your spouse again and to prove to both of you that you can get a long, have fun together, feel the spark again, and reconnect.
You make this less likely if you insist on diving into your problems when the marriage is already struggling.